Noah Harmonia Gets In Trouble
by Shadow Star.EXE
Summary: Spin-off series of my fanfic Secrets Of Harmonia. Follow the innocent and clueless Noah as he discovers the existence of Black and White's secret stash of sex magazines, clothes, toys and so much more! What does his mother have to say! No lemons.
1. Noah Harmonia Discovers Playboy

_**Noah Harmonia Gets In Trouble**_

_Oh shit._

**AN: **Yep, I'm taking 'stupid' to another level. I was talking to my best friend, Lady Midnight Sage, about N and how innocent and uncorrupted his mind is. In my mind, he's living with Black and White (my chosen names for Touya and Touko - I REFUSE to use the names Hilbert and Hilda) and his mother, Catherine Harmonia. You may know her from my fanfic _**Secrets of Harmonia**_ which I will be continuing. I'm nearing the end of it and ends always make me nervous. So writing it's going to take time.

In this mini series, I'm going to put N in every imaginable awkward moment possible, in which he learns the existence of hormones, erotica, boners and other very awkward things that make his three companions very nervous. XD

This contains Monochromeshipping (BlackxNxWhite threesome).

Also, this is my 100th story on this site. Holy crap, I finally hit the milestone!

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter One: <strong>Noah Harmonia discovers Playboy

"Bye! I've gotta go out for a while!" Catherine called.

"Where are you going, Mom?" Noah asked, glancing up from the TV. His attention was on the latest episode of _The Desperate Gardevoir_ and he was dying to see the end of it.

"I've got to pick up dinner and I'm suppose to meet Looker for a while," Catherine said. "I told you this earlier. Weren't you listening?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"Good! By the way, Black said he was meeting White later after her Champion battles. They don't expect to be home for a while so watch the house, Noah. We'll be back around nine," Catherine instructed.

"Okay, Mom," Noah said, looking at the TV again. Catherine shook her head and rushed out. Noah sat on the couch with his pillow on his lap and mashed in his arms, biting and squeezing it in anticipation of the ending. The Gardevoir was in torment about her Swampert lover having to leave her to fight in a war against his own father and his people just for being with her. The Gardevoir was left with her mistress and her mistress's lover, who didn't know his Excadrill was trying to steal a kiss from his Raichu and was in competition with a Braviary and a Hydreigon, even though it was obvious that the woman's Emolga was stealing the Raichu's heart.

Noah sighed. Those male pokemon were such idiots. Why bother pursuing a girl that was obviously infatuated already?

The episode ended with it's typical cliffhanger ending. The Swampert's father had launched a huge attack against him with the outcome still in the air. Would he live? Would he die? Noah would know next week.

Noah flipped the TV off and groaned. He hated suspense. It was annoying and seemingly pointless. Not to mention now that the episode had ended, what was left for him to do? No one was home. Normally he had Black and White to fool around with (especially when they thought Catherine wasn't looking), but this time they were busy. And now his mom was gone too. What was he suppose to do by himself?

Vaguely, he remembered the box that Black had marked _Private! _in his room. When he asked Black what was inside, Black had turned red and told him he was never to look in there. What was in there was not meant to be shared with anyone, especially White and Catherine.

Well now they weren't home. Maybe now was the right time to see what was inside. He went up the stairs and past the sign on the door that said, "NO TRESPASSING. VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT, SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN." When he asked Black what that meant, Black said, "It means anyone who's not suppose to be in there dies. If they survive, they get another chance at death."

Sometimes Black scared him, even though he was his and White's boyfriend.

The box that Black had specially marked as private was still on his desk. And even better, it was open. Black must have been leafing through it before he left. Perfect! Noah crept closer, wondering what he would find inside. Was it something he was planning on surprising White with? Like a cute pokemon? Or something else...?

He peeked inside and his eyes widened. Staring up at him from the bottom of the box was a pair of big boobs.

...well, not quite. They weren't real. They were on a magazine.

Noah reached in and picked up the magazine. The cover was entirely made up of a big naked woman with the words PLAYBOY etched on the top. What was a play boy?

He started flipping through the magazine, surprised at what he was seeing. There were articles after articles about women, women's bodies, something called sex, sex toys and 'how to have earth-shattering orgasms', whatever THAT meant.

It was interesting...to say the LEAST.

But what was Black doing with all this? He decided to ask him when he got home.

Meanwhile, there were more magazines to read.

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><p>When Black and White walked through the door, they were surprised to not find Noah in front of the TV. The house was also eerily quiet. From prior discussion, they knew Catherine had to go out and Noah did not. That meant Noah was home alone.<p>

Quiet home plus Noah being here alone equals not sure if good.

"Noah?" White called. There was no answer. She tried again, this time getting a muffled laugh coming from upstairs. "What the hell?"

Black was already at the stairs. "NOAH!" he yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Reading!"

Black narrowed his eyes. It sounded like he was in HIS room. HIS private 'cave' that White was only allowed in when he said so...

...wait a sec.

He just remembered the carton of Playboy magazines he left in plain sight on his desk.

His OPEN carton.

"SHIT! NOAH, YOU BETTER NOT BE READING MY MAGAZINES!" Black yelled, running up the stairs two at a time with White in hot pursuit.

"What magazines?" White asked but Black ignored her. He threw open the door to his room to find Noah sitting at his desk and flipping through the fiftieth Playboy magazine of the day. White's jaw dropped and Black looked ready to flip his lid.

"This is really interesting, Black!"

"Black..." White's voice was dangerously low and angry sounding. "Why...the HELL...do you have Playboy magazines?"

_"SHIT! I'M FUCKED! THANKS A LOT, NOAH!"_

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><p><strong>XDDD. This is going to be very amusing indeed.<strong>

**I'll be updating this whenever the heck I feel like it. :3**


	2. Noah Harmonia Discovers Bloodhound Gang

_**Noah Harmonia Gets In Trouble**_

**Chapter Two: **Noah Harmonia discovers Bloodhound Gang

Needless to say, White was rather unamused to find out her boyfriend had been hoarding sex magazines and hadn't even bothered to get her a subscription to _Playgirl. _After promising he would do so and also explaining that Playboy taught him many tricks for pleasing White in bed, Black hastily hid his magazines in another part of his room and proceeded to make it up to White later on in the night. Noah went to bed around the same time after getting an idea of what an 'earth shattering orgasm' meant.

When he woke up the next morning, he was surprised the world was still intact.

At breakfast, Black announced he has a musical to go to and it was a very important one because a pokemon casting agent was going to be in the audience and it was a chance for his precious Leavanny to become a star. Catherine was interested in seeing the musical, but White wanted to go shopping and Noah immediately lit up at the idea. He really loved shopping and White loved having a boyfriend who didn't mind telling her his opinion of how she looked in clothes without getting bored.

So they all went their own separate ways. Black and Catherine went to Nimbasa City and White and Noah went to the Route 9 shopping mall. White's first destination was the music section, saying she really wanted to get some new CDs to listen to. Noah, of course, was confused. He didn't have much knowledge of what music was, so White was happy to show him.

"This is a CD," she said, showing Noah a round object with a small hole in the center. "It plays musical tracks from the band that made it in a studio. They play instruments and sing to make music. I love to listen to songs from my own favourite bands, so I try to get a lot of CDs when I can."

"What bands do you listen to?" Noah asked, starting to get it.

"Lots of different kinds. I like Rush, Three Days Grace, Eminem, Lifehouse, Nightwish, Dream Theater...I'm not too picky. I just can't listen to pop or country," White replied, making a face. "I hate boys who sound like girls. Like Justin Bieber."

"Did you say Beaver?" Noah asked. White laughed and led him over to the music store. She tried to explain how it could have been possible for a guy to sound so feminine but Noah didn't understand how that could have made him famous.

Inside the music store, White was busy picking up many different kinds of CDs from her favourite bands. She showed Noah a headset that allowed one to listen to music and get a hint of what it sounded like. The CD that was inside the player was called Hefty Fine and it didn't sound too bad. She left Noah alone while she went to find more music.

_"I kind of like this. It sounds nice."_

It did indeed sound quite upbeat and fun. Although some of the words didn't really make sense to him. For example, what's an uhn tiss? And what did making a pass to Mountbackass mean?

_"Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby~ Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss."_

_"Hey, that kinda sounds like the noises White was making last night," _Noah thought.

He listened to some more of the CD until White came back. She was carrying a shopping bag filled with plenty of music and had a happy look on her face.

"Ready to keep going, Noah?"

"Sure. Hey White, listen to this for a second. Can you tell me what it all means?" Noah asked. He was listening to one song he really didn't understand and was curious about it. White took the headset and started the song over again.

_"Dear Chasey Lain  
>I wrote to explain<br>I'm your biggest fan."_

_"This isn't so bad. Maybe Noah's just confused who this Chasey Lain is," _White thought.

_"I just wanted to ask  
>could I eat your ass?<br>Write back as soon as you can."_

_"OH HOLY ZEKROM!" _White took off the headset in horror as she realized that Noah was listening to Bloodhound Gang, one of the dirtiest bands in existence. The band was famous for its raunchy sexual songs and use of dirty words. How much did Noah hear?

"White, how does someone eat ass? Is it good? How does someone get a lot of dick? What is dick anyway? And what are titties?" Noah asked with a completely innocent expression.

"We're getting out of here," White deadpanned.

"But-"

"NOW!"

"Aw...I'll just ask Mom, then!"

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><p><strong>Oh crap, White, look what happened when you turned your back. xD<strong>

**The lyrics used were from Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss and The Ballad of Chasey Lain, both from the Bloodhound Gang. I love those guys. xD**

**Maybe Black and White oughta make Noah watch 'The Discovery Channel'. LOL.**


End file.
